hacki's Blog

it's nearly 1am here and i'm still sitting in front of that box i'm likely to call computer... why?

because my friend , who was kind enough to give me shelter for a few weeks and seems to suffer at the hands of severe deafness, turned the tv so ridiculously loud?

well... nope i got used to it

or is it because of the news of obama's... erm sorry ol' osama's death are still keeping me from sleeping?

i couldn't care less, just one head of a hydra and his history is... ok i'll better not get caught up in politics, or imperialism, or all the other wrongs done in the name of money

am i just turning into an insomniac zombie, only craving for minced meat made from little baby-cows?

maybe, but i'm content, since i'm still able to think, at least i think so... but minced meat... roasted with onions, sweet pepper, kidney beans, a descent cheese and brown bread, spiced with the hot stuff located in the cupboard in the kitchen... delicious... oh i'm drifting away...

...but where is my new destination set?

i could just stare at the clock for some time or lay down in the hope of getting some sleep, both is boring, so it's time for musik... and done...

back to topic:

why am i still awake? i'm simply not tired, so no need for sleep, not yet, easy isn't it?

it's been a while(i think i write this every time...)

lets start with my profession...

i just have a half year left and then i'll be a certified electrician but i doubt that this is the job i want to do for the rest of my life. so either i'll go and study something i haven't even thought of yet or i'll full fill one of my dreams and become a classic blacksmith, it's very hard to find an apprenticeship but why shouldn't i do it. i mean i love to work with metal ever since my father taught me the secrets of welding, giving form to it and make use of junk. so there is a choice between studying for some years just for the sake of the good old money hunt or living the life i want. i don't know what i'll choose and there is still some time left so this can wait a little longer.

...the general stuff...

right now i'm working on getting my drivers license(in german "führerschein") so in a few month it's hail hacki hehe

...love...

ah the women, you got to love them. they are the reason for the best times in the life of a young man and the cause for endless grief but you get used to everything in the end. my latest sweetheart was just wow... one of the most interesting persons ever standing in front of me. it didn't worked out but i'm thankful for every single second i spend with her.

...the other love...

oh yeah i still love my guitar and her screaming is sweeter than ever...

alright, once again, it has been a while

so... those changes hum?

i'm 21 and my life starts to get to another stage, in not even a year i'll be done with my apprenticeship and finally become a full grown electrician. talking about growing up: i'm still not used to being addressed as "sie"(polite form of "you" in german), somehow it makes me feel old but that's how life goes isn't it? i just hope that i'll be able to preserve that little boy with all this stupid ideas somewhere in my heart, i guess my two brand new nephews will help me doing this.

when i think of all my nieces and nephews i slide into a inferiority complex, all my sibling are blessed with children and i'm the only one of us without a family of his own, but i think luck will find me when i expect it the least.

then there is my drivers license, that extremely expensive piece of paper that allows you to steer a car on the road, today i made a tour through the entire town to get all the documents i need and i nearly failed at the eyesight test, but i got through with a little bit of flirting hehe, i was lucky that the young women who led me through that small ritual all learners have to go through seems to like metal heads in green overalls, hm... maybe i should have asked her to drink a coffee with me... well... a missed chance.

at work i finally managed to get my relationship to the cutie back to the pre-heartbreak status and she even gave me a bunch of  "flowers" she plucked in front of our workplace, i guess she knows how much i treasure her as a friend.

so much about my life for now

It has been a while since I wrote the last entry and it's a boring Monday evening so here we go:

The summer is finally talking a serious foothold here and so the weekends are filled with beer, vodka and loud music again. Last week I celebrated my birthday in a pub with some close friends and they seem to get old, I mean they were knocked out after five glasses of beer, I remember us drinking, talking and doing crazy stuff from dusk till dawn, but those times seem to be past. Well... at least they just get old and don't seem to grow up so far hehe.

This weekend I was invited to a LAN-party and took the rhythm guitarist of my "band" with me. We took part in a CoD tournament were my friend was placed first and I fought my way to the second. My friend earned the hand crafted trophy which I designed and crafted together with one of my "students" at work and I got the mandatory caffeine overdose. It was a great night, though I doubt we get invited another time after that glorious victory.

Now i'm looking forward to the half-yearly meeting of the local biker gang next Saturday.  Biker gang is the wrong term I think since they are pretty likeable guys they just look scary that's all, respect them and they'll respect you. I just love the atmosphere there, peaceful, beer-filled and there is always good music playing. There is still a week of work until then but this is just the thing i need after the last four days I spend basically with sobering up and playing stuff on my beloved guitar.

after the three weeks of self-pity behind me i had a pretty long conversation with the reason for my emotional misery today

when i came home i had some tears in my eyes but there also was a smile on my lips, it was strange, and my mind became clear of all those thoughts about the "why", "what if..." and "how". it's over, i got my heart broken once again, she still loves me like a brother and she even wants to introduce me to some of her girlfriends at the next party.

it was like hell, but it might also be a valuable experience i'll be thankful for one day.

so it's time to move on now.

today i attended the military physical examination and i can't hold it back... i'm discharged :D

so i don't have to take orders from people who left their brain somewhere between playing with toy guns and failing in school, i will never have to march for hours without seeing a reason for it, i will never have to hide beer between the clothes in my locker and i won't have to fire a single bullet to defend capitalism erm... i mean democracy

thinking about it i have to realize that i just live in an illusion of freedom... but that's another subject

you think you're the only thing that matters for someone and suddenly realize that you've just been lying to yourself, you feel like you were torn apart, your heart ripped out of your chest... still beating in front of your eyes, frozen in a state of apathy, you just want to be alone to think about everything... but your brain isn't capable of grasping anything anymore, thrown into the dark infinity

it's necessary to move on, but not in this moment, embrace the sorrow and give your wounds time to heal

"Snuff"

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...

So if you love me, let me go. And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there.
Deliver me into my Fate - If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you...
My smile was taken long ago / If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart... when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not hear. I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love. Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend. Then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a Saint...
My own was banished long ago / It took the Death of Hope to let you go

So Break Yourself Against My Stones
And Spit Your Pity In My Soul
You Never Needed Any Help
You Sold Me Out To Save Yourself
And I Won't Listen To Your Shame
You Ran Away - You're All The Same
Angels Lie To Keep Control...
My Love Was Punished Long Ago
If You Still Care, Don't Ever Let Me Know
If you still care, don't ever let me know...

today at work i had to cooperate with a pretty deaf and somewhat ignorant approximately 55 year old man to get the job done, he thought just because he's a hobby- electrician that his ideas to get something done are the best and mostly ignored my suggestions or even better: he tried to do it his way, failed, then just did what i said before and didn't even gave me an "ok, you where right!"

why he didn't listen to me in the first place? well... i'm just twenty and a trainee, that pretty much explains it

ah fuck it, i survived another day with a maximum of ignorance on two legs and there are dozens of others to come

lately i made a wire to connect my amplifier directly with my pc, i tested that little thing today and compared to that cheap mic the sound quality is much better

of course i uploaded the result, if you're curious:

www.myspace.com/ferretsonfire

new songs:

- romanza

- heavy metal blues

- just playing stuff #3

since the cutie isn't priority number one on my list i have some time at work and just for fun i observed the behaviour of my fellow trainees

guy #1: he's after the cutie, a follower, seems to posses a big lack of insecurity and most of all he wants to be seen as one of the cool guys, there is one more thing: during every work break he sits down right next to me at least if he's faster than the cutie, to prevent her from doing the same, it's too funny

guy #2,3,4: the triplet of hell, they call no common sense their own and are rather lazy

guy #5: he was born in kazakhstan and is also lazy, but he's doing what needs to be done, if he makes a mistake he just isn't able to admit it, which is his only bigger flaw i think

the cutie: she seems to be concerned about my behaviour and tries to talk with me, but she isn't a born speaker, so it's usually limited on a few short sentences when we talk

myself: now what does the fact that i observe people like animals in a zoo tell us about me?

humans, the most fascinating creatures on earth

why? well... let's see what i did during the last two hours:

shredding power chords in a drop d-tuning with as much distortion as possible and wow i'm really close to the metal sound i'm working towards

i guess it's soon time to get a drummer and a bassist for the band

it has been a few month since i tried to write down some lines that were not meant to be some simple lyrics and now we have saturday morning here was a bit bored and just started to hack some words into my keyboard

so viele wege beschritten
um doch nur dich zu finden
so viele schlachten bestritten
um dich fest an mich zu binden
nur die rose die deinen namen trägt
werde ich wohl niemals brechen
so habe ich mich nun zur ruhe gelegt
an meiner seite das ewige versprechen
das ich einst so töricht aussprach
und nur diesem einst, trauere ich nach

first of all: i still love my guitar oh... that sweet little thing *sigh*

i'm still practicing several hours a day, caused by my work it has rather come to shredding power chords and trying to learn some simple songs like "house of the rising sun" or "mad world" and i have nearly abandoned learning pentatonic patterns and all the other stuff but i'll get back to it pretty soon

now there is something else that drew my attention to it: "chi mai" by ennio morricone because i "composed" my own version of dead man's harmonica and was curious about his other stuff and so i stumbled over this:

it's pretty hard to play especially for a beginner like me, but i just started learning it and i absolutely love this song so i hope i'll be able to play it as good as the guy in the video one day

the other thing i'm working on is the "heavy metal blues" i'm trying to put together

so let's shred, or do some finger picking hehe

ah... i don't know how often i wrote this before, but it's true, hard work pays

so one of my coworkers(who is the other guitarist of the band) and me went out to finish this project and clean up the electrical mess the others have left and maybe thanks to the fact that we did this voluntarily and that it was actually our suggestion to do it this way, we both have a free friday

so once again: thank you, you incompetent co-trainees :D

there was a girl
i seemed to love
she was as sweet
as a white dove

i gave her my heart
in a desperate move
but all i got
was the blues

that's the story of a fool
that's the glory of a fool

i wrote her a song
i was her guard
i've been her friend
and tried so hard

so i told her the truth
but she just laughed
looked to the ground
and then she barfed

that's the story of a fool
that's the story o a fool

but it is mine
unlike her

 

another day of work is over and it was a pretty bad one

so we where working on a project and had to put some wires to the walls and fill the air with our charm and a bit electricity, no problem you would assume when all eight people working their are in the third year of their vocational training, WRONG those guys where working so effing slow, most of them are just lazy and two of them just don't have the skills to do it better

ok i can understand the lack of working motivation, but when we where close to knock off there still was some work on the sub-distribution and what have those jerks done? they where standing in front of it and waited for the wires to just jump into the line safety switches, when i noticed i grabbed my tools and did it by my effing self

so i finished the job and we could go home, but thanks to those fools who can't even put a simple circuit breaking and an outlet together the right way one of my coworkers and me will have the honour to clean up their mess tomorrow

THANKS LADS!

my life goes on and on and it seems to head the right way

love:

i'm done with the cutie i had a chat with her about certain things and noticed that she is erm... not exactly what i'm looking for, sure she's cute but there are other things i wasn't really aware of about which i don't want to lament

what i noticed though is that there might be more than one girl interested in me right now, but as always one is too young and another one too old, although i might give number two and the not yet mentioned number three a chance

work:

the cutie wasn't really talking to me for a week caused by my stupid act of showing her my point of view on something, but it's normalizing again so we'll be back to the usual childish behaviour of the past very soon

the "alpha male" is once again getting close to try making me one of his minions so it might soon be time for the next demonstration of what my arms are capable of since he is just not able to follow my words through a conversation that would ensure him my intellectual superiority(i'm not especially smart, but he is as stupid as hell)

i seem to be the most favourite trainee of my instructor, which is basically a good thing, but i always get the tasks that come in with a large amount of responsibility, but i can handle it

writing:

nothing to say about that there wasn't much in the past except of some very simple lyrics to underline some of the stuff i put together on my guitar

music:

ah the best of all!

i'm still working on my guitar skills and even wrote some short songs and all are unexpectedly played without distortion, they are calm and sometimes melancholic

i'm still teaching my second guitarist songs, technique, chords and all the other stuff you need, since he's making slower progress than i do, but he's on the right way and gets better and better

alright! seems like i finished a quick update on the path my life is taking right now

time to shred m/

 

so far all of my relatives welcomed the idea of me being a wannabe rock star and the biggest surprise was that my father was the one who showed the most excitement and interest in my new hobby he even asked me if i could teach him to play a few songs which i will of course do

the only person who seems to have a problem with it is the boyfriend of my mother, he thinks of it as noise well at first it was for sure but while the time passed i made progress and now i'm playing stuff most people just love, i mean who doesn't like the main riff from smoke on the water? maybe it's time to start with the heavy stuff from rammstein or metallica to give him some bleeding ears hehe

alright two months ago i bought that great instrument and looking back i think i made good progress, i recently started to learn a solo (hotel california) and the only real problem i have with bendings, but i think i'll get this into my head as well as all the other stuff

i'm just glad that i had those five free weeks, i spend several hours per day practicing and now that i got the basics i spend the time i don't learn songs or working on my technique transcribing songs like "you are beautiful" from james blunt or the good old russian "kalinka" into a more rock-like sound, so my whole day is built around my guitar

besides that i'm also working on a short tune that could make the hearts of some innocent german ladies who have no clue about music melt, it's simple stuff just some minor chords, a bit of finger picking and bingo!

since this is my last work free week i'll make the best of the time i have left before the madness of vocational school and work starts once again

ok i once again recorded something with that cheap mic

so if you're interested

ferretsonfire

hm... the quality is pretty bad, especially greensleeves sounds a bit strange and i'm far from being a good guitarist, but after all i'm still learning it and will probably do so for the rest of my life

next projects:

getting into the blues

just playing stuff #3